Highs and Lows and Never ending Reflections – By @CocoShellim

By Coco Shellim


Highs and Lows and Never ending Reflections.

It’s a pretty common occurrence at SCA to have one week feeling on top of the world and the next few days crashing down. How funny that ideas can give us such a heady high, a sense of purpose and the feeling that we can achieve whatever we want. Then for some reason or another, a low book score, a bad book crit or sometimes just a bad day for not much reason at all sends you back down. We’ve learnt about the positive change curve and how once you’re feeling down the only way is up and vice versa. The weird thing about the curve I am finding is that sometimes the up lasts two weeks, sometimes it lasts just two days. It’s difficult to work out if it is just a bad mood or it’s a bad state of mind. 

I feel like SCA has us constantly feeling the extremes, but then also reflecting on them. I feel like every week I’m starting to pick apart my mental state. How was it compared to last week? And it’s suffocating. Drowning in reflecting about work, ideas, and where we are and where we are supposed to be. And how much distance there is between the two. Maybe that’s the stress, or my response to it. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed today and in need of half term. Time to make up and spend time with the people I have been pushing away the last few weeks. 

I think working outside the studio has been the best way to not only get ideas, but also to get more energy and feel more positive. Leli and I spend every day at the cafe Hygge. Bonus: they’ve just opened their garden which has been the dream in the scorching week. I was trying to work out why I find it so hard to work in the studio.  It’s a shame because having the mentors around is the best help you can get. 

To be honest I find writing scabs one of our hardest tasks. I know that sounds stupid. But I can never fill the 500 words quota which is a pretty lame joke when I think I am supposed to do more of the writing in our partnership. Always fighting with the world count. It’s a familiar battle. Uni saw me using do not instead of don’t and other badly obvious ways to make my word count look a slightly less pathetic. When people were editing their essays down, so constrained by the 1000 words, I was writing my Title twice to get a few extra words in. Writing scabs are even harder because you’re not bullshitting about some other author’s work, you’re supposed to be reflecting on yourself.  So writing about the word count, to help fill the word count is pitiful. But to be fair, it has sort of worked

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