By Chloe Gray

His Pen is as Sharp as his Sword

Two weeks into our second term, Marc “Homewrecker” Lewis started breaking up partnerships.

I had been happily married to Scarlet since tying the knot in a private ceremony over Christmas, so I was slightly miffed to find we would have to wait a while longer before working together permanently. 

But Marc’s meddling gave me Tommy as a partner for two weeks, which, though I was reluctant to accept it at first, turned out to be a genuine joy.

Tommy recently wrote a SCAB lamenting the fact he hasn’t found his permanent partner yet, despite desperately wanting one. So I am taking this opportunity to write a testimonial affirming his brilliance and overqualification as a worthy partner for any member of KRAK.

Schmoozing: a stellar Yiddish word that describes the zealous courting of industry folk we must partake in to build the network needed for a career after SCA. Tommy is a natural schmoozer. He makes jovial small talk, is a prompt sender of thank you emails, can discuss the work of any agency a guest mentor might be visiting from, and arranges book crits on the regular. The ad industry is mostly middle-class white men so strategically it wouldn’t be a bad idea to choose a partner who can speak their language.

Smarts: Tommy went to the UK’s third-best university. Just like the wordsmith James Blunt, he was also rejected by Cambridge. Go figure. His general knowledge is impressive, bordering on obnoxious, but if there’s a pub quiz you want to ace, you’ll want him on your team. He’s quick-witted and always first to make a pun, whether appropriate or not.

Skills: Tommy came to the school as a copywriter, and an exceptional copywriter he is. He has an enviable command of the English language and can adapt his tone fluidly to suit the project at hand. If this wasn’t enough, he stumbled upon art direction and has been smashing it. Any art director considering him needn’t worry about being stuck with the brunt of the Adobe work, and copywriters considering him can sleep easy knowing he can mock-up your wildest dreams. If he were a cannabis strain he’d be a copy-dominant hybrid. 

In case anyone didn’t already know, he’s also a fencing champion. I imagine there are only three or four other people in the world who fence, but it certainly sounds impressive enough to pop in your portfolio.

Finally, Tommy is a very generous partner. He provided pizza, Doritos, Starbursts and a bag of assorted mints over our fortnight together. While he did say he was fattening me up because he preferred “sturdy girls”, I overlooked this out of gratitude for the free food.

He also offered me £500 to write this SCAB of recommendation for him, which of course I turned down. My conscience would only let me accept £350.

All jokes and gentle jabs aside, Tommy is unlikely to be without a partner for long. Whoever ends up pairing with him will go on to win awards, pub quizzes and a tall person upon whose shoulders they could sit at concerts. He’s dependable, affable, and has an admirable work ethic. Nothing I say can summarise him better than his self-ascribed strapline: His pen is as sharp as his sword.