How to be a Boss – By @oliverdfinel

By Oliver Finel

How to be a Boss


Dear Future and Aspiring SCAers,

You have to understand one thing about SCA – this school is overflowing with bosses.

Marc is obviously the head boss.

He only accepts bosses.

If you want to get into his school, you need to be a boss.

As a certified SCA Boss, I feel like it’s my duty to help you become a boss too!

So… here are some tips and pointers on becoming an SCA-level BOSS.

  1. Don’t try to revolutionize the doorbell industry (Marc hates it).
  2. Don’t ever mention Billy Joel – EVER.
  3. Own a Nokia sweatshirt and wear a dentist hat as much as you can.
  4. Learn to love the King of Morocco.
  5. You need to know everything about Bermuda
  6. Be able to poop in odd places
  7. If you’re Serbian, tell everyone you’re Slovenian.
  8. Know your thread counts
  9. Own shark-themed clothing
  10. You must know Tucker the Trucker.
  11. Drop your career in the music industry
  12. Have a weird obsession for bright yellow clothing items
  13. Own a meme page, hint to the fact that you own a meme page but never outright tell anyone that you own a meme page
  14. Don’t mess with your facial hair and don’t be a cuck in a Chad’s body!
  15. If you’re a coat owner, make sure you wear your coat at all times. Even when you sleep.
  16. Be tight with Britney Spears
  17. Know that people from Middlesbrough have a 10% chance of breaking your heart
  18. Learn to control your emotions when older men lie about you
  19. You should know that people whose name start with H have a 98% chance of arriving late every morning
  20. Become familiar with the term ‘Sesh Goblin’
  21. Learn how to fence. (no way you’re getting in if you don’t know how to fence)
  22. Own a chocolate milk company and have an overly loud laugh.
  23. Change your name before starting SCA for extra BO$$ points
  24. Know your Data Protection Laws – ESSENTIAL!!!!
  25. Obsessively search for a new laptop but never actually purchase it
  26. You NEED to have shown up scantily clad at your high school prom
  27. Get a notebook. Fill it with drawings of EVERYONE you ever saw.
  28. Be a sommelier and reality tv star at the same time
  29. Make older men send you deeply emotional emails
  30. Become one of the foremost designers of your generation and make a video including 127 “fucks”
  31. You need to have starred in a movie with Owen Wilson
  32. Tell everyone in how many days you’ll die on your first day of school
  33. You need to have lived in Japan for at least three years
  34. Start wearing ankle-level pants
  35. Own a wedding stationery company
  36. Get a dog and infringe on Nintendo copyrights
  37. Make a sick music video that becomes an instant SCA classic
  38. Learn about the latest advancements in frog technology
  39. Own a purple bomber jacket and get yourself some sick initials. Change your name if you have to.
  40. Don’t be a redhead who claims to have ‘off the wall’ ideas
  41. Leave sandwiches to rot in your fridge
  42. If you’re British, get the french version of Google Docs
  43. Have an energy drink everyday at the same time
  44. Learn how to make fruit-flavored water but don’t start flexing on people with your new water skills
  45. You need to have applied or interviewed at every single agency in Europe
  46. Start making Insurance Erotica
  47. Become the world’s biggest fuckboy
  48. If you have any friends who grew up in Bromley – Drop them now!
  49. Your license plate must match your instagram handle
  50. Cover your breasts with fried eggs


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