How to be a Boss – By @oliverdfinel
By Oliver Finel
How to be a Boss
Dear Future and Aspiring SCAers,
You have to understand one thing about SCA – this school is overflowing with bosses.
Marc is obviously the head boss.
He only accepts bosses.
If you want to get into his school, you need to be a boss.
As a certified SCA Boss, I feel like it’s my duty to help you become a boss too!
So… here are some tips and pointers on becoming an SCA-level BOSS.
- Don’t try to revolutionize the doorbell industry (Marc hates it).
- Don’t ever mention Billy Joel – EVER.
- Own a Nokia sweatshirt and wear a dentist hat as much as you can.
- Learn to love the King of Morocco.
- You need to know everything about Bermuda
- Be able to poop in odd places
- If you’re Serbian, tell everyone you’re Slovenian.
- Know your thread counts
- Own shark-themed clothing
- You must know Tucker the Trucker.
- Drop your career in the music industry
- Have a weird obsession for bright yellow clothing items
- Own a meme page, hint to the fact that you own a meme page but never outright tell anyone that you own a meme page
- Don’t mess with your facial hair and don’t be a cuck in a Chad’s body!
- If you’re a coat owner, make sure you wear your coat at all times. Even when you sleep.
- Be tight with Britney Spears
- Know that people from Middlesbrough have a 10% chance of breaking your heart
- Learn to control your emotions when older men lie about you
- You should know that people whose name start with H have a 98% chance of arriving late every morning
- Become familiar with the term ‘Sesh Goblin’
- Learn how to fence. (no way you’re getting in if you don’t know how to fence)
- Own a chocolate milk company and have an overly loud laugh.
- Change your name before starting SCA for extra BO$$ points
- Know your Data Protection Laws – ESSENTIAL!!!!
- Obsessively search for a new laptop but never actually purchase it
- You NEED to have shown up scantily clad at your high school prom
- Get a notebook. Fill it with drawings of EVERYONE you ever saw.
- Be a sommelier and reality tv star at the same time
- Make older men send you deeply emotional emails
- Become one of the foremost designers of your generation and make a video including 127 “fucks”
- You need to have starred in a movie with Owen Wilson
- Tell everyone in how many days you’ll die on your first day of school
- You need to have lived in Japan for at least three years
- Start wearing ankle-level pants
- Own a wedding stationery company
- Get a dog and infringe on Nintendo copyrights
- Make a sick music video that becomes an instant SCA classic
- Learn about the latest advancements in frog technology
- Own a purple bomber jacket and get yourself some sick initials. Change your name if you have to.
- Don’t be a redhead who claims to have ‘off the wall’ ideas
- Leave sandwiches to rot in your fridge
- If you’re British, get the french version of Google Docs
- Have an energy drink everyday at the same time
- Learn how to make fruit-flavored water but don’t start flexing on people with your new water skills
- You need to have applied or interviewed at every single agency in Europe
- Start making Insurance Erotica
- Become the world’s biggest fuckboy
- If you have any friends who grew up in Bromley – Drop them now!
- Your license plate must match your instagram handle
- Cover your breasts with fried eggs
