I want to be a Nancy

Joel Buckley






By @health_scare


Last week I was granted leave of absence from school for the day to go to Bristol for a very important meeting, A.K.A. Deal or no Deal final audition day!


I picked my lucky item, a bulldog clip, and concocted a mystical box opening strategy, I brushed up on the shows terminology, kiss for the 1p, east wing – west wing, ‘box 23’ etc. left the house at 4.45am and headed off to the West Country.


Arriving at the venue ten minutes early I shuffled through the revolving door with a crowd of other hopeful looking folk, we merged with another group in the foyer and got ushered into a chintzy hall, becoming an eclectic mix of 150 of Britain’s finest game show wannabe’s.


We were then put into five groups of 30 and given the instructions that we’d each have 30 seconds to answer a Deal or no Deal related question in front of the group. And that the production team would then decide who goes through to the next round later in the day based on our performance.


Bearing in mind some people had travelled much further than me and some had even paid to stay in a hotel overnight, we got off to a slow start. The first lady got up, but nobody could hear what she said. The next person stood up, answered their question as quickly as they could, and sat back down even quicker. I can’t even remember the third person, but it was likely more of the same.


Then an elderly lady called Nancy had her turn and was asked,

“What would you do to scare the banker?”

She paused for a long time, everybody thought she’d had an elderly episode, but then suddenly she screamed like a tasered eunuch….

“I’d pull down his shorts and smack him with both hands!” She then walked up to the camera that was set up to film the process, kicked the tripod so the whole thing crashed to the floor, and spat on the interviewer. People from the four other groups interviewing in the hall immediately stopped to see what was happening, and security didn’t know whether to intervene or grab a tissue for the interviewer who was staring at the elderly spittle soaking through his shirt.


Nancy rocked it. Nancy got through to the next round, and I guarantee Nancy will feature on the show at some point in the future. (She was very old, so they probably won’t leave it too long, just in case.)


We were all given the same amount of time that morning to make an impression, some people used their time well, and some didn’t. I wonder whether the people who travelled for hours to audition and then blew their chance in a 30 second blur of mumbles went home and wished they had been a bit more Nancy about the whole thing?

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