If I was Oscar’s partner trying to make campaigns for Badvent Calendar 3 (Part 1)

Evidently, I don’t read SCABs enough because I just discovered Oscar’s Badvent Calendars. In this SCAB (which, if I wasn’t me, I wouldn’t read), I will attempt to make verbal scamps and create campaigns out of Oscar’s SMPs from his last post. Stay tuned for part 2

Amazon — We put the Amazon in Amazong

This is really difficult already. I assume amazong is a pun on amazing? If that’s right I’d definitely brand the shit out of ‘amazong’. I’m seeing a poster that’s like ‘Buying an electric razor and cat water fountain in one click? Now that’s Amazong!” I’d take it further by making a petition to put ‘amazong’ in the Oxford Dictionary

BMW — Cars that take you places and back

This is a deep one. I’m seeing a ‘Just Married’ sign on the back of a beamer, but underneath it says ‘and heading back to do it again’. Could also see a photo of a beamer from the side but the front and back of the car are both fronts. Also Google Maps routes, but as soon as you arrive it gives you the route to go back. You can never actually arrive.

Cisco — Safer than a safe safe

A poster with two mean-looking dudes. Over one it says ‘2nd best robber. Couldn’t break into either safe’ and over the other it says ‘Best robber. Could only break into the safe that wasn’t a Cisco’. I’d like to have that poster on my wall. Taking it further? Cisco sponsors baseball replays to determine if a runner was safe. Only a Cisco would know for sure.

Dropbox — No boxes were harmed in the naming of this company

Very product-focused SMP. Someone’s carrying a box while walking a tightrope over an active volcano and in the eye of a hurricane. The copy says ‘Our CEO didn’t drop this box. Imagine how much care they take with your files.’ Activation: Box nursery.

Etsy — We have everything you don’t need

I actually like this one. Poster: someone in a hospital bed ordering a crocheted belt on their phone, but they’re leaning over to reach their phone and you can see that their life support machine is being pulled out of the socket. Extension: Etsy releases clothing line with help from their vendors. All the clothes are pointless: shirts for your legs, gloves for your ears, hats for your elbows.

FedEx — Fed up with your ex? FedEx your ex a fed!

This is one of those beautiful SMPs where the work writes itself. Copy posters: ‘I hate that jerk!’ – Ex that was FedExed a fed. Activation: FedEx exes feds. Through an app.

Goldman Sachs — We look good doing things you don’t understand

Not sure they need advertising, but here goes. Posters: classic images of geniuses doing their thing (einstein in a science room, steve jobs doing tech, etc), but it’s a drop-dead gorgeous model. Taking it further: makeovers for nerds!

Harley DavidsonYou can’t buy cool, but you can buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle, which will make you look cool to everyone else who owns a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

Posters: Class picture. All the weird-looking kids have a Harley logo over their heads, but also ripped pieces of paper from yearbooks that say things like ‘Most Likely To Be Very Dope’. Extension: Snapchat filters where it’s you on a Harley and some other people around you on Harleys being really impressed by you.

Intel — The most successful chip manufacturer McDonald’s

Posters: people trying to put ketchup on their laptops. Copy under is like ‘No, not that type of chip!’ Activation: Intel sponsors fast food restaurants that don’t serve chips to keep them competitive.

Johnson & Johnson — There was a third Johnson, but Johnson & Johnson & Johnson sounded wrongson

Posters: The third Johnson wants revenge! He’s trying to make a softer baby lotion, but can’t—J&J’s is too soft. This might have to be a commercial, but I feel like we could make it work as print. Further? Johnson & Johnson finds all the thirdborn Johnsons and gives them free creams and stuff as an apology for their malfeasance.

Kraft HeinzIt doesn’t have to be Heinz, but if it’s beans in a tin, there’s a decent probability it’s Heinz, because Heinz is the most popular brand of tinned beans.

Poster is the SMP. Activation is the SMP on t-shirts. I’m getting really angry at Oscar even though it was my decision to do this

Part 2 coming soon!


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