By Rolly Ng

If you fart in a meeting, stare at the person next to you with anger.

Like Papa, like daughter.

Ladies and Gents, words of wisdom from my father.

1. If your fart goes audible accidentally in a meeting, save your face by staring at the person next to you. Do it with frustration, disgust and anger.

2. To have free afternoon tea, let your colleague know you have gossip to share, don’t start happy sharing till your colleague agrees to pay for the tea. My sister witnessed this when she was very young, visiting our dad’s office, and it worked. I wonder if that the reason why his tummy is so big, must have been using this strategy for years.

3. You made a reservation for a table, the receptionist asks if at least half of your party has arrived. The answer is no but you still want a seat because you want it, what do you do? My dad will look really friendly with random people in the queue and tell the receptionist that those people are his mates. This works very well in a place where the receptionist is very busy and another person is in charge of leading you to the table.

4. If you don’t want to drink but have to drink, pour a few drops of wine in your water to make it smell like wine. In China, it is considered extremely rude not to drink when someone asks you to. My dad is very health conscious and doesn’t drink much, so when he goes on a business trip to China, that’s the strategy he uses on the dinner table.

5. How to deal with leftovers? Make a cat dinner. My dad doesn’t like to waste any food. On Sundays, he would make cat dinner by heating up everything and somehow meshing them together. I think he used to do that for his cats. Back in those days, my dad was young and slim, and cats are quite useful, they make sure the apartment is mouse-free.

6. Constantly remind your kid what they promised to repay you. I made a horrible mistake when I was three foot tall: My parents were in an argument, and to prove that I am rooting for my dad, I told him when I grew older, I would get him a big house, employ nine maids for him and only one for my mom. He’s been reminding me about this promise EVERY TIME I go home and hang around with him in the sofas.

You know when you need these tips. Thank me later.