It isn’t a party until someone’s dislocated their knee.  – By @j_kburgess

By Jemma Burgess


It isn’t a party until someone’s dislocated their knee. 

Picture the scene: 


It’s Friday night. I really needed a wee, so I thought I’m gonna go now so I’m not late to reflections. It’s a normal thing to need a wee. It’s a simple action. What could go wrong? 


Oh, sweet Jesus, did it go wrong. Horribly wrong. 


I remember walking into the bathroom in quite a good mood. I noticed my friend Alex leaving and how the toilet next to her was usually pretty gross so I was gonna go into the one next to that. Literally, as soon as Alex stepped out of the loos. I slipped on the wet floor, twisted, and I kid you not I saw my knee pop out to the side of my leg. Grim. I then smacked my face on the side of the sink. Three things then happened: 


1) Panic – Oh my fucking god I’ve dislocated my knee. No no no no. 

2) Shock- How has this just happened? This isn’t happening. 

3) Realisation – Okay, this is happening. What do I do now? Oh shit! I don’t have a phone. There’s no one here. I need to call for help. I need to scream. 


Thank the lord Alex herd me and came back. She quickly went to call an ambulance and got me an ice pack. Then came the wait. 


It turns out that Brixton is a very busy area so no emergency ambulances could get to me for the next 2 hours. So there I was, lying on the dirty bathroom floor in absolute agony.  When you’re in this much pain the first thing you want to do is panic but weirdly you can trick your body into thinking it’s going to be alright by just controlling your breathing. So that’s what I did. I shut up and I just breathed. I breathed hard. Then the best thing happened: 


In through the door came what seemed like light from the heavens. First, it was Joe and then Zoe and Alex (Taylor). Thank god. Friends. No one could do anything really to help me but I honestly don’t know what would have done without them. The best thing was just having a distraction. Having people to make fun of my pain and jokes about the situation. Hats off to Maddy for having the worst bedside manner. I can’t thank her enough for making me smile so much. I used my pain as an advantage and convinced Marc to tell me the story about when he robbed a bank. Don’t ask me to repeat it though because I wasn’t really listening. 


Obviously, all coming from advertising school we’re taught thought to problem solve.  The problem was I was positioned in the tiniest most inconvenient place and all our brains put together came up with the solution of trying to move me by putting me on a blanket and dragging me out. Simple right? THINK AGAIN!! The pain to move me just an inch was excruciating. It was not going to happen but I appreciated the effort. 


Finally, after 2 and a half hours, a non-emergency ambulance came. The relief on mine and everyone’s faces was something else.  I’m telling you now the drama did not stop there but I got gas an air so I was happy. 


All in all, it was an adventure. 




{ The copy scores 85.1 in the Flesch Reading Ease test }

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