By Ellie Daghlian

Love in the Countryside

Let me tell you a story about a farmer called Ioan. Ioan is a sheep farmer. Loves sheep. Loves love. Not as good as the second one though. So the BBC have come to help. Pretty girls have written letters to Ioan. Love letters. From twenty pretty girls. Ioan has chosen his favourite five. He’s going on a speed date with each of them. The dates will be at 6 in the morning because the BBC cannot afford to book out a pub. Nobody is on their best form. It’s who is the best not bad. We don’t think my boyfriend signed an NDA when he worked on the show, but we’re not sure, so don’t share this too widely. 

Ioan has been on his five, 6am speed dates. None of them went well. Three of them went less badly. He has chosen these three to come stay on his sheep farm. In small teepee shaped tents. Quite nice tents. More glamping than camping. Ioan slept in a caravan. They will help him farm his sheep as they compete for his heart. 

Sarah Cox will speak from afar as these three bold females pretend to be friends whilst battling for his affection. It’s not quite Love Island. There are few success stories. But there are many sheep. Sometimes cows. Check out David the Dairy Farmer’s episode for some dairing fun. 

Whilst filming this episode the crew did not sleep. One car was crashed. One crew member peed naked in a field at 1am in the rain. One crew member’s girlfriend was highly unimpressed and mildly concerned. She subsequently learnt this is part of the industry and has not really resigned herself to the fact that there will be times she probably doesn’t see or hear from her boyfriend for weeks on end. Survival is never certain. 

Sarah Cox says she does like a happy ending. Which is ironic because there aren’t any on this show. Except for Martin, who Twitter is not completely sure about but who does appear to have found some love. Despite having a farm so shocking his lady friends are not able to stay on it when they come to fight for his affection. After 10 years of being single he has someone to romp in the countryside with. Still got a scummy house but what can you do. 

Back to Ioan. He’s doing great. He didn’t find any love but he still has his weird sheep. He dumped two lovely ladies and the third dumped him. Is life a tragedy or a comedy? His sheep look like mutant bull dogs. They snort. 

And don’t even get me started on George the Vet. George calls people ‘young lady’. George is stringing two girls along at the same time. Kissing both of them. On TV. George, didn’t your mum tell you not to do this stuff on camera?

Moral of the story? Be like Martin. Live messily. Don’t tell your boyfriend to work in TV.

Based on an original idea by Country Living Magazine.