MRS HINCH: EXPOSED! PART 1 – By @Mr_Shankly & @bellwoodart
MRS HINCH: EXPOSED! PART 1
AKA Mrs Hinch.
AKA The Queen of Clean.
A cleaner from Essex, with three million followers on Instagram and a net worth of £1 million.
Until last Tuesday, I’d never heard of her.
When I stumbled across her (definitely NOT while reading the Daily Mail Showbiz section), I was instantly suspicious and vowed not to rest until I’d exposed her for the fraud she must surely be.
The brainchild of 5 middle aged men, birthed in a Soho ad agency? A robot built by Unilever, powered by the patriarchy and funded by third-wave feminism?
Armed with my mum’s copy of ‘Hinch Yourself Happy: All the Best Cleaning Tips to Shine Your Sink and Soothe Your Soul’, a fresh follow of her instagram (@mrshinchhome) and access to a real life Hincher in the form of Elle, I was going to leave no stone uncleaned.
Here’re the dirty deets we uncovered:
SHE’S MANAGED TO MAKE CLEANING…COOL?
With a single, marigold-clad hand, she’s elevated cleaning products to the level of designer perfumes.
On Insta she meticulously selects them like a fashion influencer giving props to lesser known labels. But they’re not niche, trendy recommendations, made by start-ups, infused with CBD and extracted by paraplegic monks. They’re the types of brands that have sat anonymously under our noses all our lives. The ones you know by the colour of the liquid, the vague childhood memory the smell evokes. But not by name.
COF Stainless Steel Spray.
Pine Toilet Cleaner.
1001 Carpet Spray.
People choose their Top 5 with the same love they’d reserve for choosing names for their first born. (In fact, I could swear I’ve heard ‘Zoflora’ shouted in angst in the sour-dough aisle of Waitrose…)
She’s even dabbled in new product development by popularising wax melts – chunks of cleaning product inspired scents, that are placed on top of tea-light burners, allowing the user to cocktail fragrances together. Like Walter White mixing meth, but for house proud millennials.
EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES TURNS TO SOLID SOLD.
Those three million followers I mention earlier have a whopping 6.7% engagement rate (for context, the average rate for footballers, models, musicians with that type of following is nearer 0.5%).
But her worth is far beyond soppy, meaningless advertising metrics.
The love she has spread for the aforementioned Zoflora have meant staff at the Huddersfield factory have needed to double production as the demand increased and sales increased by more than a quarter. The company revealed staff needed to work overtime and weekends to ensure the shop shelves were filled.
To repeat, they had to build a WHOLE. NEW. FACTORY.
When was the last time showing people a mouldy fucking burger did that?
SHE’S PERMEATED CULTURE.
She signs bottles at book launches.
Her surname is a verb.
She has an army.
She has her own festive celebration. (Yes, it is called Hinchmas.)
She’s the OG but there are already young pretenders popping up for a slice of the ‘cleanfluencer’ pie that she baked (presumably with minimal mess) – looking at you @mybudgethome, @cleanmama.
Since her rise, she has gone on to launch her own loungewear line (which sold out in less than an hour, with all proceeds going to charity) and released no less than two books (the aforementioned ‘Hinch Yourself Happy’, and ‘Mrs Hinch: The Activity Journal’ – which made it onto Amazon’s bestseller list two months before it was actually released.
Not bad for an ex-hairdresser from Maldon.
Well, no skeletons in this spotless closet so far. Join us next time as the investigation gathers pace.