My best scab ever

Once upon a time there was a cow called Jodes. She said she was not a cow. So she was just Jodie.

Then Charlie said ‘Ice ice baby’ which was pretty cool…if you were born in 1970.

“Oi savage” said Jodie.

Then Charlie sang some more.

Then Jodie sang a bit. What a plot twist.

In the distance, Nabeel did something annoying. Oscar was quiet. I asked him what he wanted most in the world. Oscar, not Nabeel. Oscar said he wanted a sausage roll.

Then Jodie said “bitches hit second”

“I hit you, you hit the floor” said Oscar.

“What if we make it cowboy themed?” asked Jodie interrogatively. 

Everyone ignored Jodie, as if she was Ian’s voice telling us to use the grid. 

Then Nabeel stole my idea. Nabeel’s mum, if you are reading this, tell Nabeel to stop stealing my ideas.

Then Nesu said “we’re going to use old people”.

Juliette said “what if people don’t have hands?”

Across the street, a bird was singing.

“Is that sweet or salty?” asked Jodie.

“Oh, that’s a great shout”, observed Oscar alliteratively.

Charlie started singing again.

Nabeel stole my pen. Again, Nabeel’s mum, if you’re reading this. Help us.

“Butter” said Jodie, in a British way. This was pretty typical for Jodie. Being British, I mean, not saying “butter”. Jodie actually hardly ever says “butter”. 

Then Alec ran in, fully clothed.

Sunset barked. This is impossible unless you know that Sunset is a dog.

“ChatGPT says ‘funny how a Muller corner is perfectly shaped to fit your spoon. That’s like saying it’s funny how hats are perfectly shaped to fit your head” Oscar mulled.

“There are different kinds of spoons,” mulled Jodie.

“That’s where you’ve got to relax”, said Oscar.

“Please don’t call it a corner”, said Charlie.

This Scab has made Oscar self-aware. They said we could never do it. But we did.

“Mine are very rarely 500 words,” said someone anonymously.

Jodie laughed. She was sitting at the table, art directing while eating popcorn. 

“Damn straight,” said Jodie.

“Damn straight,” said Charlie.

“And me”, said Charlie.

“And me”, said Jodie.

SWEAR WORDS said Oscar. I censored it because none of those words are in the Bible.

“I want to do a campaign for tin foil” said Oscar, again desperate to get in my Scab. 

Oscar was sitting next to a guitar and Nesu.

Charlie complained about Marc not posting his topical. That created tension.

“What did I learn from you?” Ella asked. She had just entered. She is goddamn resilient according to herself. 

“I learned a lot about the importance of snacks,” said Ella. 

“This doesn’t count because it’s popcorn,” said Jodie.

“I just like chewing things” said Jodie.

“I think peanuts are fine,” said Charlie.

“I’m saying that peanuts is too much for us,” said Jodie, slowly morphing into Charlie.

“Oil” said Charlie.

“The oil is in the peanuts” said Jodie/Charlie. 

Then Nabeel did something annoying again.

Downstairs, Marc hummed a tune, biding his time.


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