My second SCAB. By @twylaliden
By Twyla Lidén
Apparently I’m really bad at spelling, according to my mom at least. Thanks ma, that’s really what I wanted to hear before going into a year (hopefully a life) full of creative writing. She tried to save herself by adding ”but I mean, you’re so good at everything else so I need to complain about something right? and I’m not saying this because I’m your mom. I promise *wink*wink*.” Yeah, sure, whatever MOM, not like I care. Or do I?
I have always tried to separate myself from my parents. To be independent. It started when I was about 3 years old. The phrase ”I can do it myself” seemed to be my mantra. I would refuse any help that was given to me, ESPECIALLY from my dear old folks. It continued to be that way until the age of 18, I was independent and dammit everyone needed to know it.
At times my refusal to ask for or accept help became ridiculous. For instance my mom is a University teacher, when it comes to schoolwork she is the gal to ask for advice. No matter the countless times she kindly and very patiently offered to help me through my long battle with schoolwork, there was no way in hell I would accept it. My need to show my independence became even more trivial the times she offered to wash my laundry, but OBVIOUSLY if you are independent you do your own laundry????(Duh)
Now I can safely assure you that if there is a kind soul out there who wants to wash my laundry I will accept that offer and love you forever.
Asking for help shouldn’t be that hard though? I mean isn’t that why we surround ourselves with people who we trust, love, value and respect? To help us in situations we can’t handle ourselves knowing that they will do all that is in their power to help you out, WITHOUT judgement (except for the time I peed my pants at the age of 17).
Yet it is one of the things I have had to work on the hardest. Asking and accepting help. If you look at it from an objective perspective it should be so simple. Someone who possesses knowledge or capability that you don’t is trying to share it, but because you’re a stubborn and irrational donkey you say no. Now in what universe does that make sense? In mine apparently, but only until recently. Don’t get me wrong ”I can do it myself” still rings in the back of my head, but now at a moderate volume.
I realize that to jump into scary and new situations is really fun, but even better when you know that you have people to help you when you fail, which I will, several times. It gives me some comfort knowing that I will at least consider to accept your help next time. I love giving advice and helping (the quality of it is questionable), so it is time for me to accept some of my friends equally questionable help especially going into a year of being thrown outside my comfort zone.