Oliver – By @shein_dean
8am – Bed
Dean: BRO. BRO. BRO. WAKE UP! GET UP BRO! YOOOOOOO. DUDE. GET UP NOW.
Oli: Bro chill. I’m not dealing with you this early.
Dean: “BRO, MUAMMAR AL-GADDAFI AND DAVE BIRSS WALK INTO A BAR…
Oliver: Chill bro. I have not had a coffee yet… Or a Pro Plus. I’ll see you soon.
11am – Ace Hotel, Shoreditch
Dean: Should we try and get a table?
Oliver: Nah bro fuck this place… They’re too full… Of wankers.
Dean: Where we going?
Oliver: Chill bro. I know a place.
11:15am – Barboun Restaurant, Hart Hotel, Shoreditch
Oliver: The Short Rib And Eggs please.
Dean: I’ll have what he’s having.
1pm – Nobu Hotel
Dean: Toast and Vegemite please…
Waiter: Please leave.
Oliver: Sorry about him. Bring me two of everything… And then double it. And while we’re waiting, bring us your finest sashimi.
2pm – Some stupid café
Oliver: Bro we should probably do some work.
Dean: What’s work?
Oliver: Bro I want to send Marcos some SMP’s.
Dean: Give me one for Uzbekistan…
Oliver: Feel like that last man on earth.
Dean: I don’t get it.
Oliver: You got any?
Dean: Ye. Maldives. For a limited time only. Speaking of limited time only, my computer is about to die. Brb. I need to buy a charger. I’ve lost mine.
Oliver: Bro, focus. It’s chilled. Maldives could work. Any others?
Dean: Nah, the rest are dog shit.
Oliver: Alright let’s do some work on some D&AD.
Dean: Fuck that. I wanna work on my comedy.
Oliver: Bro you’re funny everyday. We gotta do Green stream.
Dean: Fuck Green stream. I don’t fuck with the name. What about DEAN STREAM. And it’s just a 24 hour loop of me screaming.
Oliver: Bro focus… Hmmm. Green stream. Clean stream. Stream Green. 1080p. High-Def… Standard-Def. Holy shit… That’s it. GREEN-DEF.
Dean: Bro let’s go for a wine with Matt.
Oliver: Bro… GD!!
Dean: Bro we’ve both streamed too much porn in HD to undo our sins. But ye let’s do it.
Oliver: Okay bro. Any others?
Dean: Tell ‘em intel.
Oliver: It’s a great line but there’s no real idea behind it.
Dean: Ye true. And YULA… It could be about mental energy.
Oliver: Ye, like a shower for your mind.
Dean: Bro that’s a great idea. I think I’ll go have a shower.
Oliver: Bro chill. You can shower on the plane. We’re going first class, remember.
6pm – Heathrow Airport:
Oliver: Bro stop fucking around. I’m sure you can buy Skittles when we get there.
Dean: Bro. These are limited edition. One sec.
5am – Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Lagos, Nigera.
Nigerian man holding up a sign with ‘DEAN’ & ‘OLIVER’: Hello Boys. I’m so glad we could finally meet after all our emails.
Oliver: Yo. Here is my Notion login. Everything you need to set up your own SCA can be found there.
Nigerian man no longer holding up the sign: Great. Great. I have even legally changed my name to ‘Marc Lewis’. Are you boys ready for the time of your lives?
Oliver: Yes sir!
10 min later
Dean: Can we stop for some Skittles?
Oliver: Bro chill.