On the psychologist’s sofa – By @ggflrs
By Gémina Gil Flores
On the psychologist’s sofa
My first SCABs were not very personal.
Now that I feel a little more integrated at school, I think it’s time. Time to confide.
I don’t like to talk about myself. That doesn’t mean that I am shy, on the contrary, I really am sociable and extrovert because I feel more comfortable with others than alone. I detect pretty quickly if someone will interest me, if a person has depth or not. I think that all the beauty of people is revealed when they start talking about themselves, if they have a story to tell. By story, I mean a vision, a sensitivity, weaknesses. The reason why I don’t like to talk about myself is because I worry too much about what people will think of me. If my own story is not interesting enough through their eyes, I failed, and I become another insignificant shadow.
Anyway, it is a too long introduction and I cannot hide anymore.
Since day 1, my body feels conflicting emotions while my brain struggles to adapt. It is not the first time I live alone far from my friends and family but it is the first time that I face a challenge as destabilizing. I didn’t know how much you could feel useless before I came here. Not because of my abilities, although I have a lot to learn, I know that I can do things. But because of the language it is very annoying to listen to someone for 2 hours and to understand only half of what he says. No being able to laugh at jokes. Wanting to ask a question but staying silent. Looking calm and shy when you are not.
At least I learned something: being able to communicate is an essential tool. Communication is everything.
Things takes time, I know. I already can feel the improvements I made since the beginning, but I am really impatient and I hate to feel so frustrated, so it’s a daily internal fight between positive though and bad feelings. Nevertheless, I am more than happy to be there. SCA is a great school, I learned a lot in a short time. The most important so far is that I have met inspiring people with good stories to tell (and a lot of patience to repeat when I don’t understand).
I will make it 🙂