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A Phone Failure (feat. Judi Dench)

Tristan’s Failure

I was doing some homework at my desk on a Tuesday Evening in 2004, when the phone rang. My parents were busy, so I reluctantly picked up the handset.

“Hello Tristan Speaking..” I regurgitated reticently.

“Oh you must be Tristan, how are you Darling?..” – The voice on the other end sounded so deep, posh and parodied, I thought it was my mate Jake. Jake is brilliant at impersonations and was always pranking me back in the day. So I played along.

”Oh Mademoiselle, how on earth do you do?”

“Oh good thanks, is your father in?”

“Oh my father? Oh yes I’ll pass you straight over, so you can tell him what a naughty boy I’ve been, yes?”

Silence. Three seconds went by and the silence was finally broken.

“I need to speak to your daddy dear, is he there? “Jake?” Jake is that you?”

“I think you’re confused dear.” I yelled “pathetic prankster” and hung up.

The next day, my Dad asked me if I’d had any nuisance from any “pathetic pranksters” reticently.

I said “did Jake prank you too?”

“That ‘pathetic prankster’ was Judi Dench, Tristan. I suggest you pick up the phone right now and apologise to her straight away!”

My stomach did a misty. I felt ashamed, violated and embarrassed simultaneously. I replayed every second of the phone call in my head. I couldn’t believe it. I phoned Judi Dench up stammering my apologies like a poor man’s Hugh Grant. She graciously accepted and ended the call amiably.

I learnt a very important lesson that day. Before you do anything, know whom you’re talking to!!