Salty Chip

What you’re looking at is my best attempt so far at a Chip Shop Award entry, for the best use of celebrity category. On Friday the mentors went through a deck of all of our attempts, and my entry did not even get a twitch of the eye. 

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it shouldn’t have been that 4 middle-aged white men get my reference about Kim Kardashian’s history of cultural appropriation and fetishization of black people & culture. I feel like Uri, being the token woke teacher, might have got it but for whatever reason didn’t feel like it was Chip Shop worthy. Regardless, after being salty about the reaction it got and showing it to my groupchat of homies and them confirming that they found my work relevant, I put it on Twitter for some more sweet sweet validation.

My tweet got 11 likes, one retweet, and a reply saying “omds”. You know what, that’s all I needed. No, my work in this instance did not appeal to the demographic who is most likely to be the judges of the Chip Shop Award – the white man. But I would be DARNED if I can’t speak to my people.

I know you’re reading this and thinking “wow another SCAB by Rachael where she talks about being woke and ethnic and young and hot and cute, how original” and you are right. But this SCAB is also the start and very thing that inspired me to make the Third Eye Award.

Welcome to https://www.thirdeyeawards.co.uk. These awards are all about making spoof advertisements that respond to, excuse my french, fuckshit that’s going down in the mainstream. These will never be posted by brands who are trying to maintain an unbiased image, so feel free to go a political as you like. 

Your entries will be judged on it’s wokeness and how clever the link is to the product. Extra points if you manage to use a brand that is known for doing some fuckshit, and that same fuckshit is relevant to the fuckshit you’re making it promote. 

I will be the judge, and possibly my groupchat of homies. You can win the sksksksksk award, the THE TEA award, and most importantly the My Third Eye Burnt A Hole In Your Fuckshit award. Each entry cost £385, but if you’re a POC you can use the discount code “skrskr” to get 100% off, and if you’re white and woke because you are/were poor and/or are part of the LGBTQ+ community, you can get 90% off with the discount code “iamsorry”.

Thank you for reading this trainwreck of a SCAB, I’ve been your token woke person in advertising that no one is quite sure why she’s even in advertising, you’ve been one of the random 3 people in my who read my SCABs. Be sure to tell your ex about the Third Eye Award. The name of the awards itself is open for suggestions too. You will not be paid for your ideas for it until white people enter their submissions though.