Show Up

Anna Grudeva






By @grudevaa















Sitting in the room I stare at the ceiling – the pattern the window makes when the street light shines through it has always puzzled me. The thing is it’s always different – one time it overlaps kind of with itself, then it trembles when a car passes too near; other times it bends right where the ceiling joins the wall. It’s fascinating really! If you stare at things long enough you can almost feel the atoms vibrating in the time-space continuum.

I don’t know how many countless hours I’ve spent staring at it. Alone. Alone in my room. Funny enough it started with my own laziness – I couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed to turn on the light so I kind of enjoyed the setting of the sun and the rise of the city. The amount of sunrises and sunsets I’ve seen projected on my room’s wall – if only I started taking pictures I would’ve published a book with them by now.

I snuggled under my blanket and stared at the monitor of my laptop – there was a message waiting for me from my friend. He lived very far but every night we would chat till late. It was convenience really – I like to call them ‘Friends on demand’™. They don’t require the amount of effort normal people do and they’re always there for you when you need them – it’s like a true friendship without the fuss. This one was just getting dinner. My stomach grumbled. I think I haven’t eaten in two days. No, wait, three. It didn’t matter though, as I was safe in my fortress.

I laid tired on my back – my friend has gone offline so there wasn’t much to do right now. It’s funny when you spend enough time on the Internet it kind of starts to struggle to keep up with you. Some people say it’s a vast resource of information but we all know it’s not true – you have your YouTube, Buzzfeed and if you’re into that kind of stuff your Vice.

I love the time just before 4 AM. You can hear the city being dead with only the blackbird reminding you that time hasn’t stopped. When you don’t sleep for a long time you develop a strange relationship with it – time. It starts to bend and melt and just turn into this strange, gooey thing. Few people enjoy it though. Their mistake!

So this time, just before the sun starts to rise the city from the dead you start dwelling on, thinking if it’s ever going to come back up ever again (only to be proven wrong yet once again just so you can despise the sun for yet another day). The last time I interacted with a human being was when they delivered food – meaningful conversation face to face… No, have all my friends online. It’s just so easy now. You don’t need to show up anymore.

I will start a revolution from my bed! But I need to get some sleep first.

Disclaimer: I was really moved by all the things Paul Belford said today and especially the part where he said that you have to show up.

It feels like a bit of a reoccurring theme in my life the last couple of months so It’s one of those things that have much more complicated meaning than they seem to. 


There is a lot of buzz around the studio about the fear of missing out but at the same time how difficult it is to make the effort to travel half of London after 8 hours of classes and briefs. All of this inspired me to write the short story above. 

I would actually love any feedback and thoughts – Thank you for reading.

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