Subscriptions are evil
20 a month five coffees a day – ludicrous they say nothing is free right? Well in this case that seems wrong. Free coffee – fantastic
This is a marketing ploy for a number of reasons;
1) Say you never got a Pret before now but your friends keep dragging you there because they have a subscription. There you are in the pret spending money
2) So you get a Pret subscription, peer pressure and all that, maybe wallet pressure as well, living in london is hard. Alas you’re pretty in Pret in the morning, maybe you should also get a £2 something croissant and for lunch, well they have £5 options of mediocre sandwiches there, you’re saving money you deserve it. You fool!
3) Think of it like someone gave you 5 free cigarettes a day, maybe you weren’t even a smoker before, maybe you are one of those social ones who ask for them off smokers ona night out and rub everyone the wrong way. Well I’ve got bad news for you buddy, your free cigarettes have developed into a naughty, slutty little habit. You may ask for your friend’s generosity to yield but in a day or so you will get a bit jittery and jumpy, looking for the next cig, what’s this? Ah you’ve found yourself in the bossman getting a 30 gram of amber leaf and extra slim filters at 8:30 at night – rolling them in the way you like it.
Pret – coffee is also addictive, with your subscription you’re drinking it more than you ever have before. Want to get off this train – think again, you’re riding it all the way to java village and you’re not canceling the subscription even if you want to.
4) Say you do push past the sweaty withdrawals of the numerous coffees a day and you don’t need the constant instant gratification of sucking on the maroon lid like a babe to a mother’s teat – you’ve canceled your subscription – funeral blues. You however will have somewhat of a hankering at least once a day for a coffee and guess where comes into your mind first – surprise!!! It’s the Pret goblin back again, my north, my south, my east, my west, my weekly work and my Sunday rest. Yet she is also my sleep paralysis demon, all hours of the day the desire for a pret hides in the depths until it’s time to rear its steamy bulbous head.
So there I am again, walking down Electric Avenue on my way to get a silly little pret, let airplanes circle moaning overhead scribbling on the sky the message ‘she’s a dickhead’.
You see – the subscription is not a money saver, Pret’s evil but we do love a bad boy. It’s hooked us, Pret has us all now!
Wake up sheeple, nothing in life is free except despair.
P.s – I’m so sorry Auden