That quiet one – By @cutemagicalstar
By Rachel Ogbaretin
That quiet one
I’m quiet, that’s a fact. I’m not super great at human interaction, I’m an anxious mess and, I want to run anytime I have to go into the pit to stand there or present ( perhaps the trauma has made me refuse to sit there at ). I’m soft spoken and prefer to listen than engage in conversations. At times this can be useful but sometimes I feel if I’m not speaking out my ideas constantly, that I’m not being passionate, I remember Deanna telling me something along the lines of just because your quiet don’t be mean your not passionate, I do feel like that in a sea of interesting confidence outspoken you do tend to feel left out, like being an extrovert is standard here at times and it’s the only way to get those good ideas out. Thanks to a pep talk from the ever sweet Deanna I don’t feel super anxious about being the quiet one but it did make want to rattle off some things which could maybe help some of the more introverted peeps of sca.
Learning when to speak, can be tricky, if your like me you tend to not like to be the center of attention, you want your ideas to speak for you instead, you tend to stay to sit back and listen, because you feel you don’t have much to add to the conversation or just don’t know what to say. (words are hard and I feel shame every time I have to repeat myself) I know there’s is nothing wrong with that but I still feel like should try and speak up more, perhaps I’ll ask one question in a masterclass per day to start me off.
I feel finding those willing give you space to speak really helps, I had partners which were very outspoken and energetic which will sometimes put me off a little as they tend to be one who would take over the conversation a lot, which in turn made feel I was less a part of idea generation, for someone like me I much prefer people who are both outspoken but are willing to let me speak and listen to me also. It’s the one thing I’ll look for in a partner since I’m so quiet I really appreciate when I’m heard, although it does make apprehensive in finding partners since I know not everyone prefers the quiet types.
I like to go to the pub on the occasion, thought I some do feel a small pressure but It’s okay not to go to pub every Friday, we are around 50 people every day from Monday to Friday including home which for an introvert it is exhausting, by fridays reflections I’m just want to get the cinema and hide in the darkness and lose myself. Coming to sca really makes me appreciate having alone time to really just recharge, I definitely want to incorporate more alone time during the day for next time.
It takes a lot for me to get comfortable in a place, I normally need to develop a structure and a sense of familiarity before I begin to really come out of my shell more. I get frustrated with myself sometimes for not speaking out but I have to remember to myself that even though I’ve learned and done so much in this time, that it’s only been three months here at sca and still need to time to feel comfortable here because that just how I am.