The love of my life? – By @LeonoreLeitner

By Leonore Leitner


The love of my life?

Like every weekend, I wanted to get a lot of stuff done. Like every weekend, it is now Sunday evening and there’s still a lot to do, that I’m probably not going to finish tonight.

This morning I was passionate about getting stuff done. I really wanted to do it, so I could start into the next week with a relaxed mind and a ticked off to-do list.

But then Jacob and Antonio, the lovely boys, asked if I wanted to join them at an art gallery this afternoon. Of course I wanted to! So I had a nice walk in the sunshine and a little drawing session with them in the gallery. It was a beautiful and relaxing Sunday, but I did go there although I knew I shouldn’t. I should get shit done instead. I really want to do my best but if I feel more like going to a gallery than writing something, should I follow my feelings or is this the part where I should have fought my urge and just stayed at home? If you want to learn, grow and work a lot in a course that’s not even a whole year, of course you have to make sacrifices. But which of those things will give more purpose to my life and make me happier in the long term?

In my perfect scenario I would have stayed home to finish some things, but I’m not even sure if that would be better for me, or if that’s just my inner stress telling me to do so. But anyway, how I use my time has changed a lot since I’m in London. I’m going out way less – which is good for sure – and what I’m also very happy with, is being satisfied without having a man in my life.

As a lot of the (few) people that have no boyfriend/girlfriend at SCA, said that they crave a relationship, I can totally understand. After intense hours at the studio all you want to do is have a relaxed time with someone who can make you switch your brain off. As you are confronted with insecurities – which this industry entails – you search for security in another person, someone that gives you the feeling of being safe and at home when you’re lying pressed against them at night.

I have always searched for this feeling of security in other people and I literally needed it. But now I really enjoy not being in a relationship or dating someone, as I finally feel like I’m not craving to get the feeling of security from other people anymore, but start to give it to myself. That’s something I wanted for a long time.

Another love, that I almost forgot about, started to catch fire again. My love of making stuff happen, that gives me this exciting feeling, this rush of positive emotions through my whole body. That’s what makes me really truly happy.
To not only make a card, but come up with the idea with mx partner to make something that could happen in reality – the ATG Christmas tree- reminded me how much I love this shit. A lot of people say advertising is the handcraft of the devil, as all you do is sell products people don’t need to them to give them short glimpses of happiness. But for me it offers so much more and I want to start using it to make projects that can be realised, something that shapes the future, that make an impact in this flawed world.

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