SCABs

A Changed Woman

When the SCA told me they would change me, I didn’t realise it would happen this quickly. I’m not an advertising genius just yet, no, but I have suddenly found myself doing things that I’d never done before. So I thought I’d share. Disclaimer: I am not doing something cool like writing a book, starting a new religion or starring in a theatre play, so kindly lower your expectations.

Last Thursday I spent my afternoon in front of a camera, using both my hands and shoes to aggressively mutilate a range of £1 Iceland cakes. It sent waves of adrenaline rushing through my veins. Yes, it took me an hour to remove all the chocolate from underneath my fingernails, my right boot kind of stinks of strawberry cheesecake now and my friend was definitely convinced that I was under the influence of something at dinner (I told her it’s the SCA drug, she didn’t get it). I also sent the BTS of my cake-smashing debut to way too many people. But I liked it, and thought I should do it more often (try new things, not take my anger out on cakes everyday).

This Sunday I decided that it was time I learnt how to cycle. I made the mistake of putting my hand up during a masterclass when we were asked if there was anyone that had never ridden a bike before, and the kind soul that is Terry messaged me afterwards to offer that I practice on his new bike in the future. Now, any one of my friends will tell you that bikes absolutely terrify me and that you will never find me on one alive. And yet, something propelled me to say yes. Because I’m a klutz and knew that I would inevitably fall down on Terry’s bike millions of times, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and recruited my partner to teach me to use one of those death contraptions they so innocently call Santander bikes. I tried it at a dead end in King’s Cross for exactly one hour and I didn’t die. It was pretty great.

By next week, I’m aiming for my phone camera to become an extension of my eye. Or, perhaps more accurately, I’m aiming to live more creatively, to spot opportunity and beauty in everyday life, and capture it through a lense. Basically, I’m going to channel Alan Burles, because his talk was cool and his photos are cool and I could do with a little bit more cool in my photo gallery. Wish me luck. Maybe I’ll let you know how I got on in three weeks’ time.

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