We just had our first bollocking. – By KRAK intake
By KRAK intake 2019/20
We just had our first bollocking. Marc wanted to throw a chair at us. How would you defend yourself from a chair wielding Marc?
Eva: Hit him with the chair first (I have amazing reflexes)
and then make him apologise for it.
Marley: A lawsuit.
Oliver: I threaten Squirrels life
Alfie: I would gut squirrel like a pig. And use her intestines to choke Marc into submission if he did not relent in his attempts.
Elisa: strategically sit in the front row and watch the chair fly past.
Phillip: First, I’ll get wrist control. Then I’ll pull out my gun. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2REG3-Wb5gM)
Ellie: Sit far away from Alfie, who’s obviously the target. on tenter hooks wondering how this will end
Alice: Take it in the face, that’s my kink.
Katie: Study him closely so I know when he’s about to flip then excuse myself and go to the toilet.
Ivan: I’m great at limbo, so I’d pull a Matrix move bending backward and the chair would pass me within inches of my body.
Munraj: Hit me harder, daddy.
David: I would hide behind the person next to me.
Carly: Use Alfie as a human shield.
Pierre: Le coup de savate, eh oui mon pote.
Tommy: A swift parry and powerful lunge.
Chloë: Show him the personas I’ve written so he aims at someone else. Then steal his Whiplash DVD so he can’t take any more inspiration from J. K. Simmons’ character.
Charlie: A national cheerleading champion can easily dodge a chair.
Rolly: Hide behind tall people.
Bastien : If I sit quietly, without making any movement, he might don’t see me.
Sean: Not worry. Such low quality furniture will come off worse, no?
Dean: By putting my head infront of it.
Holly: Stare at him while tears well in my eyes, hopefully his paternal instincts will kick in and he’ll back down. Failing that I’d hold up a mirror, no one wants to see themselves as the bad guy.
Gigi: I’ve been looking for scrap ever since he brought in that skateboard. I’m ready for a fight Mr Lewis try me.
Aaron: Use Zelda as a puppy shield
Lawrence: Throw one back
Isabelle: Sit up the top. Avoid the drama.
Leanne: Duck, roll, surdy kick to the balls and a mental note of all the eye-witnesses when it turns to a court case.
Elle: Throw Alex at him
Alex: Throw myself at him
Scarlet: Use Gigi. She would protect me and her coat would protect her.
Rachael: Make him feel sorry for me with my tear so that he never does it
DJ: I saw it coming and ordered deliveroo from pop brixton 20 minutes ago. It arrives, he puts the chair down and leaves.
Nothing interrupts lunch.
