What type of SCA student are you? Take the test now to find out!

• What is your go-to morning routine?

a) Frolic in the mountains. Next, herd goats.

b) A black coffee and a cigarette. The building blocks of the day. Basic knowledge.

c) Scrawl in my gratitude journal, stained with my tears.

d) Six Hat my breakfast.

• What kind of dreams do you have at night?

a) At night I dance with the fairies.

b) Sleep is for the weak. If I ever did fall asleep, it would be standing up.

c) I dream I live in a cottage, far far away from the cruel, corrupt world of advertising.

d) I dream that Marc is my father. Then I wake up and feel sad that it is not true.

• What would your advice be to your eight-year-old self?

a) I am you. You are me. We are one. Together, we are free.

b) Time is running out. Apply to SCA now, you should have done it eight years ago.

c) You want to be a doctor or a hairdresser or an undertaker. You do not want to be in advertising.

d) Ask your parents to take you to Brixton. It will make you feel alive.

• What is your ideal first date?

a) We chat telepathically after meeting each other on the astral plane.

b) They walk one meter behind me as I go about my day. You can’t risk wasting time, especially as they are probably not The One.

c) We go to the cinema together. We get on fine but then I go home and have an existential crisis and forget to reply to their texts.

d) We kiss in Marc’s office and then they endorse me on LinkedIn.

FIND OUT RESULTS HERE!!

If you answered….

Mostly A’s: Estranged

A whisper of your legacy wafts its way up the studio staircase. Not forgotten, but lost, your presence is that of an invisible God. You have gone Missing In Action, but your creativity reigns greatly from the cloud. You are an innocent deity. It cannot be you who stole the Trek bars, for you have never graced the kitchen. The Meeting Owl dares not hoot your name, in fear of dark dark consequences. You have immortalised SCA. We thank you for your service.

Mostly B’s: Manic

You are a walking Pro-Plus Pill, maxed out on Adderall and Diet Coke. Your bloodshot eyes teeter between the status of genius or madman. The vein that throbs in your forehead is like the river Nile. SCA would be a dull, slow-moving stream without you. Your words are like popping candy, giving us all a perpetual sugar rush. Your favourite catchphrases are “Sleep is for the weak ”, “Cinderella was a wimp” and “what day is it?”. As they say, a cigarette a day keeps the doctor away. I think that’s right anyway.  

Mostly C’s: Disillusioned

You might think your honeymoon period with SCA is dwindling. Perhaps your adolescent dreams of advertising were merely a sugar-coated hallucination? You’re second guessing your new stationary kit you bought at the beginning of the term. You’re wondering: is this all there is to life after all? But, deep down, there is still some hope inside of you. We see that glimmer of promise. We see it. It’s there. We urge you to reach deep down into yourself and flourish it like a bouquet of intestine-y flowers.

Mostly D’s: Obsessed

Your mild affection for SCA has mutated into infatuation. The school timetable is your everything. It is your husband, your wife, your mother, your father and your child. To you, life beyond SCA is but a grey splodge. You’ve got OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE tattooed on your right bicep, along with Marc’s face inked somewhere slightly less savoury. Your desire for a black pencil has led you to resign from your weekly choral practice. Your mother is disappointed. Marc is proud. Hard work beats talent, remember?

@laradavis0