Porsche thoughts – By @CameronTurnerL1

Porsche thoughts

This is an introductory reflection about my current headspace regarding me coming into SCA. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, but I also like to think of myself as someone who bounces between pretty confident and relative self-doubt and fear. Honestly, if you think that’s slightly brash you should have seen the other Scabs I wrote. It included a Porsche and a comparison of it to a sort of ‘existential castle’ and a guy who I named ‘Andrew’. (I will refer back to this.)

Anyway, I read and enjoyed “Hey Whipple, Squeeze This” AND “The Anatomy of Humbug” From which I learnt a little about seduction, showmanship and salesmanship as well as Mr Whipple and how annoying but effective he was for 15 years. I also think I learnt a bit about the truth and its power, also perhaps that simplicity, honesty and writing how you talk are effective tools in creating interest for readers, the casual ponderer and potential viewers.

I think that for the most part what I just wrote was primarily a little dreary and boring, but you got to pay your dues. So now I’m going to talk about my first-person perspective and existential pondering whilst, yes, being in a Porsche. 

This is the first scab I’ve ever written and from looking at previous scabs on the SCA website the key is honesty, abstract delivery but relevant topics, but, like many successful adverts, sometimes it can be interesting and abstract.

So, I’ll talk about the exact thing I’m doing currently. I’m in a Porsche, I don’t own the Porsche, my girlfriend’s parents do, but they left me in a Porsche in a car park in Waitrose. As I sit in this Porsche, I find myself getting lots of looks and judgement, but I don’t mind, I’m in a Porsche and it’s comfortable. 

As I look out onto the horizon, I see a Fiat with another guy directly across from me (his name is probably Andrew, he looks like an Andrew). This man is just far enough for both of us to look at each other’s facial expressions and compare the decisions that led me to be in a Porsche and him to be in a Fiat. He knows I don’t own the Porsche and I know he doesn’t own the Fiat; this I have gauged by both our positions in the passenger’s seat.

This Andrew fellow looks like a stand-up guy, no-one is judging or looking at him (or the nose of the Fiat because it only takes up half a parking space). I’m wondering now if the Fiat is comfortable inside, it looks a little bit claustrophobic. However I would argue that it’s not particularly different from my current standing in this car. If I were to go one step further and play devil’s advocate for Andrew and his Fiat that he currently resides in, I bet it’s economical, easy to park and relatively good for the environment. In addition, he doesn’t look like he is being judged. In fact Andrew looks very happy and content, unlike me who is trying to draw up a comparison between us.

Regardless, my girlfriend’s mum has parked the Porsche with the nose sticking out so every car that drives by gives me a look of disdain and disapproval. I look across once more at Andrew and he pulls out a sandwich, he begins to eat, I continue to watch but not in a creepy way, in an analytical way which in itself is quite creepy I will admit. Anyway, I bet if I were to pull out a sandwich and begin to eat this sandwich with my current standing in this Porsche, I think I wouldn’t be as content, relaxed and full as my man Andrew over there in the Fiat because being judged and then eating whilst being judged is a particularly uncomfortable feeling. Morale of the story is you can sit in a Porsche comfortably all you want but when it comes to being stationary, you may as well be in a Fiat.

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