Count down to SCA – By @bbrice01
By Becky Brice
Count down to SCA
‘Overwhelmed’ seems to be the word of the month. Last week I attended the SCA end of year party and was instantly hit by a serious case of imposter syndrome. I knew people would be good, but the confidence and talent radiating from everyone was quite … overwhelming. I’ve been out of the student arena for a while now and had forgotten that feeling of terror when putting yourself out there.
Self-doubt, I assume, is something a lot of people struggle with, but I’m conscious that it’s probably my biggest flaw and I can be struck down by it at a moment’s notice. This is one of my biggest fears about going into such a competitive industry, filled with, from what I see on TV and hear on the grapevine, very self-confident characters. So what can I do to preempt this and make sure I stay above water? (This is NOT a rhetorical question. If anyone has the answer please get in touch.) I’m not sure, but I’m hoping that these SCABs will actually lend a helping hand. Regular reflections should keep me afloat and help keep things in perspective. Well, that’s the plan anyway.
Alongside this, I am constantly reminding myself of everything I still need to achieve by September, which only adds to my anxiety.
My list includes, but is not confined to:
- Buying and reading (/skimming) 8 books
- Completing the personal passion project to be shown during the first few weeks of term
- Write at least 3 SCABs (I’m about to tick one thing off my list!)
I am also working full time and have just been asked to illustrate a short book. Which leads me back to ‘overwhelmed’.
I’m not a stranger to the feeling of a clouded mind, not sure what to focus on and I have confidence that I can handle it, I just need a couple of days to get my brain into gear after not using certain muscles in a while. Once my initial panic subsides I will be able to look forward to the next year and start outlining what I want to get out of it.
I also need to remember why I applied to SCA, what drove me to quit my jobs and dive into the unknown, and use this to energise myself. Some of those reasons are gut related like how nervous I was when Marc called me with the decision on my fate, which suggests how badly I wanted to get in. Other reasons are based in the fact that I feel incredibly unfulfilled in my current job and have been for a while now. I am so ready to take the next step even if it scares me. The last reason I am determined not to waste this opportunity is that I am paying a lot of money to go. A lot a lot. I need to remember this and rinse every ounce of advice, experience and opportunity out of this year. Easier said than done, I know, but maybe I can look back at this when I start to wobble and remind myself of all these points. I’ve already done a 3-year degree and didn’t enjoy the experience so want to make sure I do everything I can to prepare myself for the year ahead and learn from my past mistakes. Here’s hoping.