Get That Bread – By @AlekLewin

Get That Bread 

Now, I’m not known to be a patient person, my sense of rational thought is also known to go out the window in times of crisis. However, I didn’t think my latest undoing would be courtesy of an unruly pitta bread. 

When I study, I get snacky. Well, any form of procrastination works fine, but food is a sure fire winner. So in between study sessions around the tasks Marc has set us I can normally be found rustling up some tasty treat. 

Recently I’d been noticing our toaster playing up, the satisfying pop of bread returning to the surface from the depths of what I can only assume is hell was occurring less frequently. Unperturbed, I ploughed on with an air of recklessness more commonly associated with Messrs Johnson & Trump. Dropping my pitta into the incinerator. Victory was mine. Or so I thought. 

Adjusting the numbers of the toaster (What are these anyway? Levels of toastiness??!) I sat back and awaited my prize. Hummus at the ready, caramelised onion obviously. 

Imagine my horror when the pittas refused to surface. Forget a lunch break, this had just become a rescue mission. 

Remember when I said rational thought books a one way trip out of my brain during a crisis? Heres a summary of what I found myself doing during this one hour horror show. 

– Could be heard shouting ‘Get that bread sucker!!’ From across the street while holding the toaster above my head, showering myself in crumbs. – Found myself inexplicably shirtless approx 15 minutes in, sweating profusely. – Brought my top notch hostage negotiation skills to the table. Bringing my laptop in to the kitchen with the John Lewis kitchenware page open. ‘I’m just gonna buy another damn toaster, don’t make me do it’. – 40 mins in, sliding down the fridge to the kitchen floor in a heap, resigned to the fact I’m destined to be pita-less for the foreseeable. – My eureka moment occurred around the 50 minute mark, manically stabbing into the toaster with some BBQ skewers, clearly delighted with myself as I reenacted your favourite scene from any slasher horror. -Essentially, it was the most grotesque peep show you’re ever likely to see. 

Giddy from my MacGyver inspired moment of brilliance I phoned my girlfriend to brag about my genius. 

“Oh babe, you know there’s a tray at the bottom you can remove and the bread just falls out?” 

I can’t wait to work with a partner this year. 

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