Got No Fans







By @cparkerbparker


It is Christmas Day 1993, my family and I are driving back from Christmas lunch with my grandparents. Christmas music is playing on the radio until the news comes on and announces that Mr Blobby had beaten Take That to become the Christmas number 1.

My sister was a big Take That fan and even bigger Mark Owen fan, so the news report came as a devastating blow to the 12 year old sitting next me. My dad and I both laughed but somehow the goggly eyed and creepy Mr Blobby in his pink and yellow spotted rubber glory had made my sister cry.

‘It is just not right’ she sobbed!

In recent years the Christmas number 1 has been dominated by X Factor winners. This year was no different with some gimp called Bill or something taking the crown. However there was a challenger, someone brave enough to question the status quo like Rage Against the Machine had done and tough enough call out Simon Cowell into battle.

‘You want some?’ He said

‘I’ll give it to ya’ he threaten

His name is Gordon Hill but most people know him by his nickname the “Wealdstone Raider”. For those who don’t know the Wealdstone Raider, he is a internet celebrity and a supporter of Wealdstone F.C. Gordon become famous due to a 33.9 second viral clip of him heckling opposing supporters with phrases such as ‘You want some?’, ‘You’ve got no fans’, and ‘I’ll give it ya’.

‘What happened was, we saw this bloke getting a bit rowdy at the football. So I turned to my mate Jeff and said ‘We’ll have a couple of beers at half time and then try and video him’. I had no idea it’d go this big – everyone’s gone mad for it.’

To my amazement the Raider became a reoccurring topic of conversation at a wedding I recently attended. A couple of guests had recently seen the short and gaunt Mr Hill performing at a nightclub in Essex.

‘He is smashing it, I tell ya! Apparently earned 80 grand so far.’ One guest said

‘Really?’ I replied in amazement

‘Yer and he is now blatantly sponsored by Sport Directs too’

I watched his latest video and sure enough there is a giant Sport Direct mug dominating the shot and he is dressed in a freshest Everlast tracksuit only a Sport Direct sponsorship deal could provide.

At first Hill refused any involvement as his sister was seriously ill. However he eventually embraced the opportunity and has done something many brands could only dream of – he has got fans – online, on social media and without doing anything.

Sadly the Wealdstone Raider song didn’t managed to do a ‘Mr Blobby’ and make 12 year old girls cry but he did however chart at number 5. He also donated the proceeds to Great Ormond Street Hospital, where he had spent his childhood and adolescence being treated for toxoplasmosis.

Not bad for a 48 year old roofer/hooligan from Wealdstone.

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