Hello British people. I have spent so many months now listening to you all talk about famous British ads for ‘famous’ British products that I have never heard of. Now it is time for you to stop telling me about Guinness and (the bad British version of) Marmite and Tango. Please God. Stop. I know you are good at making ads. But I have now seen all the ones you think are good probably multiple times and while I agree that you guys make good ads, I simply cannot cope with another round of Levi’s ‘Laundrette’. 

I have heard countless times over the past however many months that good advertising ended sometime in the 90s, so I must assume that there is a finite number of ads that you can watch as British people with high advertising standards. This must mean that you’re all over this too. Count this as a refreshing break from knowing when you’ve been Tango’d. Hop in a plane with me for 24 hours and let’s enjoy some classic New Zealand advertising. 

First of all, meet Stick Man. He is the mascot of Pak N Save Supermarkets, part of New Zealand’s famous supermarket duopoly and probably the only reason why Kiwis put up with such a wildly unfair system. It is quite literally my life dream to write Stick Man ads fulltime. I’ve done some in-store messaging but it’s really not the same. One day. One day.

Repeat after me: PERCY PIG COULD NEVER.

Okay, anyway.

We’ll start off with a classic. Togs, Togs, Togs…Undies – Trumpet

I have chanted this at unsuspecting British people before and found out the hard way that you don’t call them togs. Or undies.

Then there’s this one, which invented the trans-Tasman rivalry that persists to this day. Mitre 10 is our version of B&Q. I think. 

Here is a genuinely traumatic advert for NZ’s accident and insurance compensation body. 

This one is insane. We get a lot of farming ads in NZ. I genuinely had to whittle down the selection for this post. Here is the most unhinged one, for Toyota Hilux (of course). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u70DwS2FMw 

And of course, iconically, the New Zealand Transport Authority’s best ad ever. It’s part of the fabric of culture. It’s incredible. No notes. It’s Ghost Chips.

For those in the Auckland area, there’s nothing like experiencing the dulcet tones of Tāmaki Makaurau’s favourite boomers: John and Adrienne from appliance outlet Magness Benrow. Okay this probably doesn’t count as a good ad. But we love them. So it’s okay.

Some more recent ones that I’ve enjoyed include the better version of Skinny Friendvertising

And this unfortunately accurate representation of my daily interactions with British people at the SCA. Mirry Christmus – Air New Zealand

And finally, our best ever jingles. 

Novus “Show us your crack” (I don’t know if it counts as a jingle if it’s the whole ad but it’s worth it)

The Warehouse

Crown is technically Australian but we don’t talk about that.

@hopewritehead