By Alice Burden

My commute

Every morning I get the tube. My tube is always busy. It doesn’t matter what time it is, I never get a seat. I stand for about 20 minutes in total. 

As the stops go by, I start to feel hot – really hot. I take of my coat – still too hot. I take of my jumper – I feel even hotter. I start to sweat – I never used to sweat like this. My body is dripping. We’re almost at my stop – my vision starts going. What is happening to me? I force myself to stay standing on the train, to wait til my stop. I’m losing balance. I’m so thirsty.  What’s going on? 

This scenario happens to me most mornings. 

On Tuesday, this week, it was the worst it’s ever been. I had to rush off the train before I got to my stop. I could barely see and almost passed out standing up.

I’ve not experienced anything like this before so I booked a doctor’s appointment the next day; he told me it was normal and healthy for women of my age, but just to be sure he told me to have blood tests and an ECG. All it probably was, he said, is that when I stand up, my blood pressure drops, and the longer I stand, the lower it gets. 

Cool, so I can’t stand up for longer than 10 minutes. He told me the only cure was to drink more water, eat breakfast in the morning and to leave earlier so I can get a seat. I wondered if this was all happening because I’ve been skipping breakfast in order to get to school quicker, so I can start working earlier. I leave so early anyway, the thought of having to get up extra extra early to fit in breakfast and to leave to get a seat seems impossible.

I read up about this condition when I got home, and apparently it can be worse during periods of stress. I do wonder if the course is taking a toll on me physically. I’m still managing to get 7 or 8 hours of sleep, but I’m not finding time for myself during the week; to exercise, to be outside, to read, to unwind. Making work seems to take forever, the craft seems never ending and there’s always something else that I could be doing. Perhaps this faintness is an underlying symptom of being overworked and not looking after myself.

Marc asked us last week if we were flying, gliding or falling. I feel as though I’m gliding, and if I tried to fly I would burn out; I’m not sure how I’m meant to put more effort in than I already am. The key, apparently, is time management. He’s given us a timetable to try to stick to, and it looks just about manageable. I’m going to try it out next week. I know I have so much more potential, I just need to free up the time to allow me to fly.