By Orla O’Connor

Someone Kick the Crap Out of Me

Since joining SCA I have felt like a fraud.  I question every decision I have ever made and am going to make.  I convinced myself one evening that I wasn’t creative at all and that I should just give in a get a job in sales that I would hate and live out an existence that would be sub-standard.  It is a feeling that Marc brings up a lot.  He says it is normal to feel that.  That we should experience it.  But today I really remembered who I am, what drives me, what I want from life and what parts of myself I have currently been neglecting. 

I always had a short fuse and for some reason was always much better at contact sports.  I had played water polo since I was about 11 and was regional level by the time I was 15.  But I knew I didn’t want the pressure of going any higher then regional play.  Luckily an opportunity to try out karate fell in to my lap.  It was a small association called Tang Soo Do a Korean form of martial arts.  After a few sessions I was hooked.  As I worked my way up through the ranks my instructor taught me to push myself further than I ever thought I could go.  In grading they would try and break you both physically and emotionally.  It was amazing finding my limits and not giving those senior to me the opportunity to break me.  It became a way of life with simple rule the five codes and seven tenets.

Five codes

Be loyal to your leader

Obedience to parents

Honour friendship

Always finish what you start

In a fight choose with sense and honour

Seven tenets:

Integrity

Concentration

Perseverance

Respect and obedience

Self-control

Humility

Indomitable spirit

After moving to university it was impossible to stick to me training schedule and since joining SCA I haven’t got home in time to make training.

But today was different we finished earlier than normal.  I ran home and made it in time to rush to training to surprise my instructor Rob, who has come to be like a big brother to me.  There was some point between getting kicked in the face and beaten in the ribs that I realised that I have not been being true to myself recently.  That I wasn’t fighting hard enough.  I wasn’t living by the codes and tenets.  I wasn’t producing interesting work as I wasn’t being true to who I am, and the score on our work today proves that.  I mean its great reading all the time but I fucking hate reading, I love learning from really random documentaries.  It’s great collecting dots, but when I do something I want to just enjoy it not feel like I have to fit as many dots into a weekend as humanly possible.  So I will do what we have been told to do, because I trust our mentors and Marc’s advice.  But I will remember that is just that, advice and so I am going to do it my way.  And every Tuesday evening I am going to leave the studio by 5pm so I can make it in time for someone to kick the crap out of me.