It has been now nearly a month since we all celebrate the new year. Nearly a month than SCA’s mad courses are running into 2020. Nearly a month than we running into 2020. And we sure run. Those first weeks have been quite intense, to be honest. Nothing insurmountable but this year will be an active one for sure. It’s a good thing tho. It’s time to do things. To make some decisions for the rest of my life.  Quite scary to write that down. But here we are, so, no need to hide behind a too dangerous comfort zone. To be sure that this year will be as proactive as I expected to be I definitely need to manage my time in a better way than I do at this moment. Because, for now, I just feel to be one small step above the timeline, that keeps flowing without any interruption. Like if my time was managed by a deeper and clearly stronger force, drawing me into some unknown horizons. Some things are intriguing in this unstoppable and obscure journey, I must say. Be dragged into a blurred future where every one of my steps could have a meaningful consequence. I’m not gonna lie, I somehow must enjoy living in a quite stressful life. Where time is always running fast in front of me, where I need to keep running to don’t lose is trail. To stay connected to the present. The problem in this kind of situation? The present is pretty compact. Meaning I just get to stick with it but I don’t really enjoy it. I just act. I do what pleases me but without even take a step back from it. It’s only after a while, that I look back to some periods in my life. Admiring the past from a comfortable sofa, with some cushion stuffed with regrets. It’s not that bad. But I just wish to have enjoyed more some particular moments. I don’t want to live them again, I know I can’t. I just wish. So here I am, on my comfortable sofa, with some cushions stuffed of regrets, drinking a sweet glass of melancholy. Almost enjoyable if I ad some ice cubes. Indeed it’s never harmful to enjoy a drink… But it can be a bit boring in the long term to always drink the same thing. Meanless mostly.
So yes. It’s time to sober up, throw some pillows, and start trying planning a bit more this blur future. For the present be more consequent. To be able to sit in a more comfortable sofa and looked back to the things I’ve done with the mind tranquility than I’m doing, in the present, what I can to make it more meaningful. To be sure that every step I make in this obscure journey has an impact on the person I’m gonna be.
The sweet melancholy will always be here if I give it any consideration I guess, but maybe it can taste a bit better. Without any ice.