What a world – By @JacobDeFig
By Jacob de Figueiredo
What a world
The last thing I thought I’d be doing at this time of the year is writing a SCAB.
Each letter I type memories and thoughts of past experiences bubble to the surface of the messed up cauldron that I like to call my life. Little tiny bubbles of past emotions drift to the surface as I begin to recall what life was like for me this time 2 years ago. Feelings of anxiety and apprehension, excitement and elation and lots of other words that I could easily keep copying from this online thesaurus.
See I was an SCA student in 2016 and 2 years ago I was writing my first ever scab as a wide eyed bushy tailed 21 year old with big dreams of being an advertising superstar, I remember so clearly feeling as if I’d finally found my true calling in this world after so many failed attempts at trying to follow the path of academic studies, I felt like my life had finally created a path for itself that made sense to me. I’d discovered a world in which my personality could shine through and make the world a better place to be. For a brief moment, everything just made sense. It’s a really strange feeling to put into words, but I can imagine many other SCA students are currently feeling the same way. But looking back I was little bit naive and cavalier with my thoughts and actions. I tried to wing my way through life and to be fair to myself had been semi successful in doing so, but boy oh boy does that not fly at SCA and I guess I found that out the hard way. I was a little bit unlucky, but upon reflection I could have done much more to fulfil what I always thought was my destiny. (Super deep) My partner and I split up just before portfolio day and Marc was kind enough to offer me another place in the 2017 intake and I was keen to come back stronger and much more focused.
Then life really knocked me for six and I was unable to start.
I feel a fairly different man beneath the surface than I was 2 years ago.
I’m still an unorganised mess who speaks before he thinks and constantly giggling like a 13 year old Japanese school girl , but I’ve experienced some seriously intense trauma and this is one of the first times I’ve publicly written about it. Each word I can feel tears welling up in my eyes and as I wipe them away it’s a strange, kind of a liberating feeling, as if I’m finally beginning to come to terms with my situation and slap a big ol’ steaming pile of emotion onto the surface of the earth for all to see.
I lost my Dad in September 2017, it’s not something I have said publicly as I always felt people it’s kinda awkward for people to know how to respond to an event like this. I’ve been keeping everything bottled up inside for the past year. Death has really opened my eyes to what it truly means to feel sadness and loss and to be tossed head first into the adult world. All I’ve experienced is constant meetings and paperwork; signing things, shaking hands, reading documents, printing, stapling, writing, waiting. No time to focus on myself really.
My advertising dreams have been put on hold and my life has taken a very dramatic turn career wise over the past year as I desperately tried to make sense of my situation and the pain I experienced. But nothing can prepare you. The past year has absolutely flown by without a single moments notice and I feel completely unprepared, almost the same as I did 2 years ago. I’ve completely disconnected myself from the advertising world, but now it’s time to regain that passion and love for the industry that I felt when my journey first began.
However, this time I’m driven by desire of making my hero proud and using SCA as a springboard to shower the world with his thoughts and ambitions which live within me.
I did not expect this scab to get so deep so quick, it’s pretty amazing what writing can lead to once you get that first word down and just let it all flow out without filter.
Something you learn at SCA.
Let’s hope this scab can be a turning point for me.