Foreign thoughts. By @christinems_
By Christine Smith
I jump in and out of that feeling – “being a foreigner”. When I first moved here I was confused about when I would actually start to feel “less Danish”… cause I really want to speak English fluently, learn as much about the differences in the culture as possible and “integrate” myself as fast as I can. But what does it actually mean to feel less Danish? When do your new surroundings begin to make their impact on you and overrule everything you have come from? What about my Danish blood, traditions and mind set?
Right now I’m writing this SCAB on my way home to Denmark — well actually my address is in Brixton, so is that technically my home?
I’m as far away as I can be from both my homes right now. Sitting on a plane is exactly in between my past, present and future. Precisely in between and above as I sometime feel during a day at SCA. Don’t get me wrong – I absolutely LOVE all of the Fat Penguins! I’m talking about the English igloo.
The English igloo is the feeling of living in some kind of imaginary world where I go to this weird but amazing school every day with loads of inspiring people, who I am only able to communicate with in their penguin language. No one knows who I actually am and what I have come from. I have decided to let down all of my barriers – I’m saying exactly what I want and when I want because… I want to learn as much as possible and the last person I want to blame if that doesn’t happen is me. So why not? When I go home to Denmark it’s like stepping out of this igloo and waking up to everything exactly as it was when I left.
Sometimes when I sit and stare for a while it hits me where I come from and how everything used to be. I’ve not changed. I’m not holding myself back in any way. I’m exactly who I’d like myself to be which is really weird to admit. (Of course I have my weird moments, scary faces and fucked up pronouncements but heeeey – how boring would life be without that?)
To all future foreigners at SCA: don’t be afraid of taking everything you are with you – in fact, don’t do anything else! Don’t hold yourself back. I’ve been in England for 3 month now and I’ve just started dreaming in English and forgetting Danish words. 3 months is what it has taken for my mind to fuck up and forget 24 years. How sick is that?
Even though I hate it when i have to ask for the explanation of the joke for the 3rd time and use Google translate on simple everyday words, it is amazing how open and patient everyone around me has been so far. That means the World, really!
So… English or Danish?
Why do I actually have to be either or?
The new thaaaang for me is being Danglish – mostly Danish. And I’m really lovin’ it.
P.S. Sorry for any spelling, grammatical or oddly phrased sentences … I still have space for improvement…