By Victoria D’Andrea

Things I’d sell my soul for.

So, I will start this with a disclaimer. First of all, I am not at all religious. So, when I talk about selling my soul, please understand that I hardly believe in it, so it has very little monetary value to me.

Two, this is all written half honestly, i.e. if anyone out there is truly interested in exchanging one of the things I’ll discuss in the following page, I want to discuss the things further. None of this is to be considered contractually binding.

I think that’s all.

Now, here is the list.

1. Magic powers. If anyone actually knows me at all, they’d immediately know this to be my number one wish. Of course, it would have to be the ‘right’ kind of powers. I’m not going to get swindled into eternity in hell for same b-list magic. Even a magic book would work if I had the certainty I’d be able to use it for my own purposes and whenever I want.
2. Incredible luck. While this sounds like a bad superhero power, it has its purposes. If anyone’s watched the second Deadpool movie, they’d understand.
3. Mind control. This stands outside of the magic category as I truly believe it’s possible. Maybe not as conventional wisdom has envisioned it. Even if I only gain an incredible charm I’d consider it a bargain.
4. Getting married to a chocolate magnate. I’m usually against gold diggers, but for this particular type, I’d go against my morals. I mean, you’d have all the chocolate you could wish for, as well (I’d guess) as probably being pretty close with all the other confectionery owners. On another note, I’ve always had the suspicion there is a secret sweet selection only those with enough money and candy influence can taste. I want to be one of those people. Plus, you know, money.
5. Never being cold again. Not much to say there. I hate being cold, and I find I often am. I want it to end.
6. End all of the world’s serious suffering. I guess I should put that in. Not sure how realistic that is but you never know. Plus, if I sacrifice myself for the world, I feel I’d be whoever makes these decisions might consider giving my soul a second chance.
7. Last but not least the ability to concentrate for as long as I need to. I feel I could get so much more done if I didn’t get distracted every two seconds. I’ve seen people work hard for hours without break, and to me, that is a superpower in its own right.

I’m going to be honest, these are a lot less exciting then what I expected them to be. If anyone out there can think of anything good, please keep it to yourself. Leave me with my own simple desires.

The copy scores 74.7 in the Flesch Reading Ease test