Joe's Blogs

“Oh bother” said Winnie inside my head. “Oh bother… that blog is due tomorrow”.

I don’t know if it was the pain from scolding my tongue on hot soup or the fact that I seem to forget literally anything important in my life, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed in myself. A familiar feeling at 26 years old. It’s the same disappointment my friends express when I suddenly realise I’ve double booked myself. That unforgettable face that utters “come on, really?” and I have absolutely nothing to defend myself with, as if my weapons of excuses have suddenly turned into sand.

I wake up scared everyday as I don’t know if I need to be somewhere important. I walk into school not sure if it’s a Monday or a Sunday and I’m just hoping I walk in and everyone else is there. Or I might be on the train looking out of the window running old tapes of stories I’m yet to write and suddenly I remember I must actually get off the train at some point. Then I see I’m four stops ahead of where I should be.

I wonder if I will ever improve my organisation. Perhaps I will wake up one day and remember everything I need to (in good time) and I’ll never miss a beat. I’ll get in rhythm. Or it could be that this is the way of the creative, my mind is elsewhere on a more important journey, discovering and experimenting, allowing me to go forth and see what’s in there.

Maybe it’s a curse I never shake but I learn to live with and see that disappointed face as a positive.I must pause Joe’s Blog for a moment as my washing machine is marching towards me. The landlord warned me about this but I didn’t take them seriously.

It is literally moving towards me, I’m very afraid. No genuinely, this isn’t a joke, you may think this is irrelevant but – oh it’s stopped never mind.Anyway, oh yes, perhaps this con could be beneficial to me and I use it to improve my craft. I have no idea how yet but if you couldn’t tell I’m trying to stay positive and open-minded as pessimism has not helped with my scheduling.

So far, I think I appear organised and calm. The only thing that could blow my cover now would be an exposing post on a public website.