When Was The First Time I Felt Grown Up?

G&T’s books been coming along recently, sadly, still lacking any fun food or drink brands. 

A recent one? Financed-themed. Your credit score.

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Now, let me preface this:

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Who knows what their credit score is? 

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I don’t and I wasn’t planning on.

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Those numbers have never dictated my life, in fact I didn’t even know they existed, slipping into my overdraft like a blissful idiot, time and time again.

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But do you know when they do start to exist, when you finally sing the first happy birthday into adulthood.

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Happiest adulthood!!! Wishing you all the best. 

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So it got me thinking, how old am I really? I clearly don’t know my credit score, so“official adult” can be scratched clean off that slate. 

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At 18, I really thought I was old, I cried (obviously) I don’t want to be an adult. But I wasn’t. Not yet.

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Then I went to uni. Defiantly still not an adult, I was a student, society’s tweenagers maybe? Kind of apart from family but also defiantly not. I was just testing out the gears. 

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And then suddenly I went back home. Fuck, I was younger again, reversed-aged, maybe now I was 10.

Got a proper job, went up a few years, phew back to being maybe 15. 

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Then I did this school and I completely reversed. SCA made me kid-ish again.

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I stopped working: minus 5 years

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I lost all confidence: minus another 5.

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Did exercises that felt straight out of a Steiner school regime: Maybe, minus 3? 

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I constantly felt like I was learning from 0 again. Minus all the rest. 

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To add to this childish dilemma was that constant leering voice in the back of my head, “be a playful child”. Thanks Marc, I’m just a baby at this rate. 

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“Happy LITERAL birth day”.

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That’s not to say I haven’t started to grow again, thank god. 

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It’s getting a bit clearer, I’m learning to read. Maybe I’m 9, I think I’m getting there. 

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I’ll let you know when I finally check my credit score.

And when I officially hit that big, fat adulthood. 

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At this rate, still a while to go - blissfully childish, and mildly confused.

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Tilly, age 9.

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