By Becky Brice

Think think think

I find excessive talking exhausting. As I chat, my energy depletes. And I need a moment to get back to normal. Talking through projects with partners, as fun and necessary as it is, tires me out. I never want people to think I’m antisocial, but I like to have moments where I can collect my thoughts. Plan what I’m going to do next.I miss the days when I could listen to podcasts at work. The feeling of being in a conversation but not doing any of the work. Which makes me sound like a right sad loser, but it’s true. Of course I don’t like to be alone, I get bored in my own company. Podcasts however give the sense you’re with friends, but it’s never your turn to contribute. What a dream.I feel like this is something I have to tell partners before I work with them. Some people take it the wrong way if I stay quiet for an extended period of time, but I’m just thinking. I can get lost in thought for hours, causing friends and family to ask if I’m ok. It’s always disappointing when I explain that I was actually just reliving a favourite scene from Friends, or planning my next meal.At this point I’m reminded of Winnie the Pooh’s saying ‘think think think’. I’m sure that reference was an unexpected turn, but I relate to it so so much.I like to mull things over before speaking. I like to know that I believe what I say, that I’m not just making noise for the sake of it. This can lead to silence because I’m not quite sure what I think. Other times I feel strangled by the anticipation for what’s going to come out that I say whatever will get the desired reaction.It’s all very confusing up in this brain. Mind games left right and center. Just know, that my silence is not a reflection of my brain or my mood. I’m think think thinking.